Bullshot Crummond (2008)

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Poster by Mark Davies, image by Hazel Hindle

by Ron House, Diz White, John Neville-Andrews, Alan Shearman, and Derek Cunningham.

Based on idea by Ron House and Diz White.

Directed by James Hough

Performances of this Amateur Production will be on: Tue 20th - Sat 24th May 2008, Prompt Corner



Cast

Crew

Special Credits to Backstage Crew

Special credit too to the vocal skills of Alan Walker who not only provided the voiceover, but also (by virtue of the technical wizardry of Gerard Johnson) the sounds for:

  • The first crashing Stuka descent noise;
  • The German Converse Force Field;
  • The sounds for the cars in the car chase in Act 2; and
  • The German electric torture chair sounds!

Prop Construction etc

Music

Audience coming in:

  • Eric Coates - The Merrymakers overture and Covent Garden / Knightsbridge from the London Suite

Opening sequence for the voiceover:

  • "Wenn die SS und die SA Aufmarschiert"

Others included: German national anthem; Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" and "Siegfried's Death and Funeral March"; Mussorgsky's "Night on a Bare Mountain"; "Morning" from Grieg's Peer Gynt suite; Bach's Fantasia and Fuge in G minor (BWV542) played on the organ of the Jesitenkirche, Lucerne; Liszt's piano concerto no 1 (the "Triangle Concerto"), first movement; "The King is Still in London" (Billy Cotton and his band); "Furioso No 1" (The Crawford Light Orchestra); "The Devil's Gallop" (Charles Williams and his orchestra); "Everything Stops for Tea", "Teddy Bears' Picnic" and "Whispering"; "Clarinet Marmalade"; the "Luftwaffe March" from the Battle of Britain film; "Deutschland Erwache", "Panzerlied" and the "Horst Wessel" song; Rachmaninoff's piano concerto no 2 (third movement, which the director had to sing in rehearsals, much to the annoyance of a certain waiter at the Carlton Tea Rooms); Rossini's William Tell Overture; Mahler's symphony no. 1 (last movement) for Lenya's "sword" moment; and music from Bernard Herrmann, namely "The Naked and the Dead", "Mysterious Island" and "Cape Fear".

Some Other Stuff

Pre show publicity stated that the play took place between the wars. However, it was decided to set the play during World War Two.

Hence, the copy of The Times was dated 13 May 1941; Matthew Lyne wore a WW2 policeman's helmet; and the following....

Fact: the planned German invasion of Britain in WW2 was "Operation Sealion" and Kent (where the play was mostly set) was to be invaded by Army Group A under the command of Generalfeldmarschell von Rundstedt. Hence, the following appeared in German:

Otto's map cover (the map inside was, of course, of Kent) said:

  • Very Secret
  • (Yes honest)
  • Army High Command (that is to say: "Oberkommando des Heeres")
  • Operation Sealion
  • Map of Kent, England
  • Sector for Army Group A
  • Generalfeldmarschell von Rundstedt

Finished off at the bottom with another

  • Very Secret
  • (Yes honest)

The panels on the German radio said:

  • On top right hand side: "This side up"
  • On top left side: "Very important piece of German radio equipment"
  • On bottom: "Property of Army Group A. Not to be removed from the Headquarters of Generalfeldmarschell von Rundstedt. OR ELSE."

The writing on the German panel of the torture chair said:

  • "Special electronic machine for torturing British Scientists."

The writing on Otto's rubber gloves during torture scene (designed to cover up the British logo on them) said:

  • "Right hand" and "Left hand" (on the correct ones).

Historical Mistake

Given the date of The Times, Von Brunno cannot have heard Noel Coward singing the version of "Will You Please Provide Us With A Bren Gun" which was played on his radio, as it was not recorded until 28 July 1941!

Costume notes

  • Lily Howson's gloves and handbag previously belonged to Leah Hough, the director's deceased grandmother.
  • Caroline Doyle wore the jacket (or Fliegerblouse) of a German paratrooper (Fallschirmjager) during her first and final appearance. The rank was that of a corporal.
  • The women's clothes worn by Lily Howson in the penultimate and final scene, and by Ed Cartwright in the final scene, were from Primark (!).
  • Sean Chapman, when in his military outfit, was wearing the uniform of a major (Sturmbahnfuhrer) in the Infantry Regiment Großdeutschland ("Greater Germany"). The story behind this is as follows...

The director knew someone from work who was a WW2 re-enactor; this person supplied details of a firm in India which made relatively cheap reproduction military uniforms.

Consequently, an order was placed for a bespoke tunic in Sean's size from Sanjay Suri and his tailors at UNJA Universal, Kanpur, India. Having completed the tunic, Sanjay e-mailed the director to ask what cuff and collar tabs were required. Being dissatisfied with the pictures of various German officers sent in, Sanjay demanded a cuff title. The director was therefore constrained to start investigating German army uniforms and their cuff titles, and came up with that for the Infantry Regiment Großdeutschland (a German army - "Wehrmacht" - formation, rather than "armed SS" or "Waffen SS").

The regimental cuff was, apparently, originally green, but this was unpopular with the troops, as that was the same colour as the cuffs used by German customs officials. The colour was changed to black in 1940, which doubtless pleased the more fashion-conscious troops. The Regiment was ordered to wear the cuff on the right sleeve (in order to distinguish them from the SS, who wore theirs on the left), but Otto was clearly disobeying orders!

Sanjay would always put "Hari Om" in his e-mails to the director, hence "Hari Om Sanjay" was put in the programme for the show. Sanjay was sent pictures of the show and a copy of the programme and thanked the director for this. Otto's jackboots were supplied by the same firm.

Matthew Lyne's Helmet

The policeman's tin hat decoration design was based on an original WW2 model featured on Ebay. The outline of "police" was lovingly pencilled in on the helmet by Hazel Hindle; James Hough filled this in with black paint and also painted on the Kent County Constabulary logo above it. The director also e-mailed the Kent County Constabulary museum to see if they could send him a picture of one of their WW2 helmet designs, but they did not deign to reply. Matthew was pleased with his helmet, however, by all accounts. Someone in the audience informed the director that they had thought it was a "real one".

What was on the Menu at the Carlton Tea Rooms

The contents of the menu (not visible) said this:

Page 1

High Tea menu served in our Copper Kettle Restaurant between 5.00pm and 7.00pm daily

served daily in our Copper Kettle restaurant 5.00pm - 7.00pm

  • Fillet of Haddock Orly
  • Choice of Omelettes
  • Deep Fried Scampi Tartare
  • Sausage, Bacon, Egg and Black Pudding
  • Fresh Roast Chicken and Trimmings
  • Homemade Steak and Mushroom Pie
  • Gammon Steak and Pineapple
  • Prime Rump Steak Garni (2p extra)
  • Grilled Liver and Bacon
  • Cold: Gammon or Chicken with Seasonal Salad
  • All served with appropriate vegetables and potatoes,

tea or coffee, toast and homemade cakes and scones.


  • OWING TO THE WAR, CERTAIN ITEMS MAY NOT BE AVAILABLE

Page 2

Lunch Menu

The following are samples from our Lunch Menus. Lunch is served in our Whisky Theme Lounge or Garden Room Conservatory (non-smoking), between 12.00noon and 2.15pm.

  • Chef’s Soup of the Day served with a Hot Bran Roll
  • Copper Kettle Pate
  • Button Mushrooms Hongroise
  • Roast of Day
  • Poached Smoked Haddock and Egg
  • Braised Steak and Onions
  • Sherry Cream Trifle
  • Fairy Cakes (our speciality)
  • PLEASE NOTE THAT OYSTERS ARE OUT OF SEASON


  • OWING TO THE WAR, CERTAIN ITEMS MAY NOT BE AVAILABLE

In House Reviews

  • Thanks to all involved for my sneak preview of this insane show last night!

I don't want to say too much as there are so many wonderful surprises in this show - I don't want to give anything away!

The one word that kept coming to mind throughout the show was - Bonkers!

I enjoyed every minute, and laughed so hard, several coughing fits were induced...

This is a fast-paced, whirlwind of spiffingness and makes one truly proud to be British!

I could say so much more - but really don't want to give anything away - so will just say: you will be sorry if you miss this - it is summink else.

There are some costumes that will be giving me nightmares for some time to come - therapy bills witll be forwarded to Mr Hough...

All the best for the run chaps and fillies!

  • What Ho!

Ripping Stuff!! I would go into more detail, but Walls Have Ears

Well done everyone.

  • Listen up Chaps,

That bally-scoundrel Otto Von-Bruno is once again on the offensive. With dastardly plans and cunning Hun weaponry in hand, he's out to threaten our very way on life.

Fortunately for us, Hugh 'Bullshot' Crummond is ready to step in and save King and Country.

Top performances by all. Derring do. Stunning vistas. There isn't much that isn't frankly perfect about this show. Congratulations to the cast, crew, and especially Herr. Hough, the mastermind behind it all. So pop on down to get your tickets before the week is out or you'll jolly well regret it.

  • Absolutely top hole!

Would like to echo all the sentiments above - well done all for bringing Bullshot to technicolour life.

You've set a high bar, Herr Hough. We look forward to more!

  • oh. my. god.

I haven't laughed so much in ages. This is bl**dy brilliant.

I NEVER write reviews, and I know everyone says that, but I really don’t. But this one I wanted to write a couple of things and a call out for more!

I don't think that any director, never mind first time director, will have put so much effort into a show that looks so effortless, clever, where everything works, that is so original, different and just well Brill!

The acting is excellent. An all round superb cast. I do have to give a big shout out to Sean however. He is channelling Dr Evil so much and well it just made me laugh out loud that Scottish Sue thought I may have had an accident in my chair. The whole lot of you deserve a really big pat on your backs really, really good fun and a joy to watch.

The one point I would say is that I enjoyed the first half much more than the second. not really sure why, but all I would say is keep up the excellent work in the second half and the audience will stay with you.

However in saying that, the second half did have me in stitches with your car on stage. Just brilliant.

  • Utterly spiffing show last night folks. Made me proud to be British.
  • Excellent show. Very, very funny. You should definitely go and see it.
  • Brilliant direction, excellent acting, great set, props and backstage support and HILARIOUS.

Clever funny and silly funny but never cheap funny.

It will be a challenge to top this comedy.

  • Really enjoyable - just what was needed for a long tiring and stressful week.
  • I've seen this show at a number of stages in its development and I always thought it was going to be good but it was just great with an audience. A cast with superb comic timing and the wit to play it just as much as it needed without going tiresomely over-the-top. A Prompt show with more crew than cast is an interesting prospect and the backstage people deserved to take a bow as well - for the duck ballet, the car crash and getting the right clothes on the right people at the right time. Terrific sets, sound and FX as well and a lovely cameo from Alan Walker as Mr Cholmondeley Warner.
  • Bullshot Crummond is a fine play set in a fine time, an age when the sun never went down on the British Empire (without asking its express permission). Ed Cartwright shines as our titular hero despite a slight case of ‘défaut de fonctionnement de garde-robe’, as the poet Timberlake once called it, while Matthew Lyne proves himself to be a man of many fine parts. High praise also to Lily Howson, who shows not inconsiderable pluck and spunk as Rosemary, not to mention the ever stellar Sean Chapman, chewing both carpet and scenery in a magnificent turn as Otto von Brunno. The cast is rounded off by the wonderfully vampish Caroline Doyle. An honourable mention must also go to the hardworking backstage crew and their dazzling array of props. An excellent production to which one cannot help but tip one’s trilby. Well done to all concerned.
  • Congratulations to Director, cast and crew for a truly superb show. Everything worked so well from the acting to lights, sound effects and scene changing. Great timing by all.

I found it very very funny and recommend it to everyone.

  • Allo Allo meets Thunderbirds meets Russ Abbott meets Indiana Jones.

That's the only way I can think to describe it. And I mean all that in a good way!

  • It was a wonderful show for all the reasons already mentioned by others. The choice of music was superb and it was especially good to hear the first chord of Bach's G minor Fantasia, not just once but twice - once in each Act.
  • Absolutely TOP hole gang!

Wow whaat a show James, you should be proud. I know you are really, and well done on attention to detail! And well done to cast who looked like they enjoyed doing the show! I really enjoyed it and it made me truly spiffingly British! Lilly truly charming and Ed was made for the part and Otto and his side kick lady was great; and great accents guys! Mr Lyne - a man of many talents. Costumes lights and set ACE!

And a real bonkers, funny fast paced bundle of fun and cracks! Enjoy the rest of the run and party! And James thanks for the gift! [Reviewer given a stick of inert dynamite as a memento, rather than a bribe!.]

  • We saw this last night, and it was a memorable evening I *love* the overall style of the whole thing - cohesive and spot on. Huge attention to detail with costumes and props - obviously a lot of effort was put into them rather than them being afterthoughts, as sometimes happens. The backdrops were like nothing else I've seen at SLT, and cleverly used (a tiny niggle however would be that the cartoons seemed to be from WWII when the play is set a little earlier - but no worries). The car and its perilous predicament, not to give too much away, was particularly effective, I thought. Lighting was dramatic in all the right places, and the music really effectively added to the style of the piece. Another minor niggle might be that the scene changes were sometimes not always as slick as they could be - possibly *because* there was plenty of glorious music being played to cover them. Otherwise, all flying props and other backstage effects were timed perfectly.

To first concentrate on the production values is not at all to say they overshadowed the cast's performances. During the interval I looked at the programme to see how big the cast was - and was surprised to see it was actually just five. I was sure I'd seen far more people than that on stage... All had very strong characters and were good performances, and were often extremely funny. If I had to pick out a favourite moment though it would be Sean and his swift costume changes - absolutely brilliant!

All the cast, crew, and, most of all, James Hough, should be very proud of this production. I don't know if there are still tickets available for tonight and tomorrow, but if there are and you are dithering as to whether or not to make the trek to West Norwood to see it, then go - you definitely won't be disappointed.

  • Had a great time at the play the other night, it was highly enjoyed by all present. I loved the bit with the dynamite, when he was explaining how he defused it whilst still inside his mouth, which raised a bit of a cheer from the audience. I got the impression he had really nailed that little bit.

The head Nazi guy was also excellent.

  • I sat next to a 'civilian' on Thursday night who said she hadn't laughed so much for as long as she could remember. She also asked me during the second half how it was that if the Germans 'arrived by parachute' they had a car with a personal plate. Jolly observant these bally audience members...
  • What a spiffing show last night. I really enjoyed it. Haven't laughed so much for ages!
  • A cracking cast, but it was so good to see the style maintained throughout, as well as the numerous special touches such as the puppets, which were even funnier when the pigeon mis-flew! The cast must be knackered at the end, from all that dashing about.
  • Our family had a very spiffing evening last night. You would be bonkers to miss this terrific show.
  • Us too. I do think you could have given Matthew a bit more to do, though...

Gallery

Production photos by Phil Gammon - click on thumbnails for larger images

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Casualties!

  • Lily Howson was knocked over by a bike on the day of the opening night. Lily sustained some nasty scratches and a sprained knee, but, like a proper trooper, carried on, despite this "spot of bother". This required some blocking changes (e.g. Lily was unable to collapse on the floor; be dragged across the floor by Von Brunno; jump on the table to escape the tarantula (except on the last night, by virtue of Mother Nature's healing powers); or crouch behind the crashed car (Ed Cartwright held the car aloft and they stood behind it instead).
  • The director managed to partially saw through his left index finger; pierce the next one with a screwdriver; and cut the next one quite badly on a broken cake stand during the get out (medical support for the latter was kindly provided by Christopher Vian-Smith).
  • The director was disturbed to note that Ed Cartwright was bleeding from his hand during the sword fight on Thursday night. However, this wound (to the finger) had been caused not during that fight, but by a nail in sole of the shoe he had used to batter the tarantula with in the scene before!

Reminiscences and Anecdotes

Members are encouraged to write about their experiences of working on or seeing this production. Please leave your name. Anonymous entries may be deleted.

The director recalls the following:

The play was mostly set around Tunbridge Wells in Kent. On the Wednesday night, the audience included officers from Kent Police based in Tunbridge Wells itself. Also, a Royal Navy submariner attended in full uniform on the last night.

Matthew Lyne, on seeing the director glue a Luftwaffe eagle onto Lenya's parachute bag, drily commented: "The attention to detail in this show is getting a bit silly", or words to that effect.

Otto von Brunno managed to accidentally dial 999 on his mobile 'phone during a rehearsal of the car chase sequence, without realising he had done so. The phone must then have turned itself off somehow. The police heard the scene (including associated screams) and 'phoned him back. They were not amused.


See Also

Bullshot Cocktail (Noel Coward is supposed to have come up with this one)

Ingredients: 3/10 Vodka; 6/10 cold clear beef bouillon; 1/10 lemon juice; 1-2 dashes of Worcester Sauce; 4-6 drops of Tabasco; Pinch of celery salt; Salt and pepper

How to make it: Place some ice cubes in the shaker and add all the other ingredients. Shake for 6-8 seconds and strain into the glass. The cocktail is ready.

References

<references/> Will the Bullshot Cocktail be served at the SLT Bar during show nights! te he

External Links

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